


GØNER

by LordPokekage99



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, M/M, Mental Instability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 13:36:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9237395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordPokekage99/pseuds/LordPokekage99
Summary: Death happens. We lose loved ones. But can everybody cope with that pain?





	

Everything was black. An envelope of blindness, paralyzing him to the spot. He waited with dread filled in his broken heart.

Tyler knew this darkness would eventually clear, it always did. But what was about to ensue, decimated him. Everyday it got worse. Yet, he was helpless.

Soon, Tyler saw that pinprick of light. It grew wider and brighter, until it illuminated his world again.

They exited the tunnel.

He was in the backseat of a moving car, traversing across a mountainside road. The sun gleamed with a malevolent blaze. The air was thick with the scent of ozone - impending doom.

A pink-haired man drove the car, smiling happily as he held another man's hand over the gear box. The other man had striped tattoos around his wrist. It was him himself.

Tyler was crying silently. He knew what was coming. This was day the sun had set. Forever.

Josh..oh why?

He knew from a hundred past experiences that trying to talk to them was useless. This was just a vision, a grim projection from the past. A nightmare meant to haunt his present.

As if on cue, they turned a sharp corner.

Tyler from the past swore anxiously.

"Calm down, Josh you are going too fast!"

"Sorry Ty, I'm just excited about today!" Josh smiled, an apologetic glitter in his cocoa eyes.

A single tear slid down his cheek as he let out a heavy sigh.

That smile.

They approached another sharp bend, Josh slowed down this time.

Tyler knew what would happen.

As they turned, a speeding pick up appeared. Josh swerved, trying to avoid it. He failed.

A hellish moan of deep loss escaped Tyler's mouth, as tears flooded down his face.

A shrill screech of metal scraping metal, a rib shattering crash. The windshield shattered into a meteor shower of glass projectiles, gashing Past Tyler's face and hands.

The truck had crashed into the driver's side.

It was over. Everything was over.

~.~.~.~

The intense pain in his heart eased. He woke up in a cold sweat. Tyler was weeping, those tear tracks had become his makeup now.

Tyler had had the same nightmare, every night since the last year. He was broken. After Josh's passing, he'd given up on everything. His career. His family. His life.

Josh was dead. But he was alive. So Tyler died again each day, every day.

"Why God?!", he screamed in a shrill voice.

"Why did you spare me?"

"You stole him, you stripped me of my most beloved possession. Why spare me?" He wept, hysteria permeating his weak voice, hiding his face in his hands.

He felt that presence again.

He looked up with bloodshot eyes, to see another man sitting on the bed. A malicious grin on his face.

They both were identical. Except the new presence had pupils as red as the blood he loved to devour, and black patches on his hands and neck.

It was Blurryface. The demon who had been terrorizing Tyler since that day.

As if Josh's loss wasn't torture enough.

_This is your fault. He died because of you. He sneered._

_You killed him. You did well. He cackled devilishly._

_Today is the day. Today is the last day. We are goners. He smiled, a smile devoid of any warmth._

"Today is June 16th." Tyler spoke weakly. "His birthday." A fresh wave of heart wrenching grief gushed down his eyes.

_Yes! He would be 29 today! If he had lived, that is. The malicious gleam in his eyes, set Tyler's soul ablaze._

"Why are you here. Go away. Why do you terrorize me? Aren't I broken enough! Let me be!", Tyler pleaded, for the billionth time.

_Hahaha. No can do. You can't be rid of me. For I am you. You are Tyler of the light. I am Tyler of the dark. I am here to extinguish your final spark. He grinned at the rhyme he just made._

"Why? Just why?" Tyler cried.

_I am you. The voice of your carnal fears, most beastly anxieties. That's me. His eyes glinted a cruel smile._

Tyler got up from the floor and walked into the bathroom. This never went anywhere. Tyler knew he'd gone mad, he'd been to psychiatrists, they'd prescribed him heavy duty drugs which numbed him at best, but didn't help with his condition at all.

The bathroom was once posh. A fancy sink on one wall, with an elegant pearly bath tub. Now it was in want of care. A layer of grime coating every nook, untouched by water from the shower.

He stared into the mirror above the sink. A pale ghoul of a reflection stared back at him. A hollow haunting gaze, barely even alive.

His face was haggard and gaunt. Chin and jawline too sharp to be healthy. Sunken bloodshot eyes with a dull lifeless gleam like those of a tormented prisoner of war. He'd lost several pounds. His delicately tan complexion had decayed to a pale off white colour. Like milk gone too sour.

He splashed his face. It always helped lessen the gashing pain in his chest. The slap of the icy water, unforgiving and brutal, gave him enough will to hold on to his fraying sanity.

As he rubbed his hands on the towel, he noticed the white scars on his wrists and hands. Some of the recent ones were still purple and blotchy. They were embossed on his skin like the hieroglyphs on a Pharaoh's tomb. His Josh's tomb.

He'd been cutting himself every few nights. When the pain within grew too intense, he let it out by slashing himself. The sting of virile blood oozing out, helped him shut Blurryface away. For a while atleast. But he came back. Always.

And everytime he did, Tyler felt an increasingly large amount of him fade away. He was losing his battle against his demon.

Somedays he would wake up, completely blank and dazed, not remembering who he was, what was his purpose to carry on. Blurry always waited for such a chance to make him kill himself. But the memory of his Josh, the one person whom he could never forget, brought him back. But even this was almost too much.

"I've got two faces, Blurry is the one I'm not." He spoke aloud, trying to focus on the sane part of him. It was getting harder and harder for him to not give in completely to Blurryface's control.

When he had first appeared about a week after the accident, Blurryface had been little more than a mirage, face too misty too make out other than structural similarities between them. This was why he'd called him Blurryface.

Now each time he appeared, he felt more solid than the last.

The growling in Tyler's stomach distracted him from his sad thoughts.

He decided to head out to the local Taco Bell. Money wasn't exactly a problem for him, owing to who they were before the incident.

Now the Twenty One Pilots were an already forgotten band, which had disappeared seemingly as suddenly as they had risen to prominence.

People still recognized him obviously, but not the same way. Now they saw him only as a broken mental patient.

The fresh air and sun stung his face as he stepped out of his flat. The weather was pleasant. Too pleasant. Like the Gods were rubbing salt in his unsealable wound.

His Josh would never be able to feel the crisp wind again, he would never see the world lit in a million hues by the warm sunbeams.

He'd moved back to Columbus, and found this apartment in a quiet part of town. He was in mourning. Family was only an unmanageable burden on his already weak shoulders.

He walked down the sidewalk, head bent low, ignoring other pedestrians. Ever since Josh, he'd developed acute social anxiety. Even calling his own mother or siblings left him weak kneed and out of breath.

About fifteen minutes later, Tyler reached the joint. Heading in, quietly the once lead singer mumbled his regular order, the one which was Josh's favorite.

He went out, and sat at an empty table. Josh and he had been here so many times. Tyler could almost pretend that Josh had just gone to the washroom, and was gonna come back any moment.

He missed those brown eyes, those kind smiles, those strong muscular arms which always made him feel safe.

He was never gonna see them again.

_Tyler was sitting across Josh at the bench. Like they'd done oh so many times._

_both were in a very pleasant mood, actively joking, poking fun at the hustle and bustle of people around them._

_Josh finished the last of his drink as Tyler wiped his face with a paper napkin._

_Josh sat up as if  something had troubled him._

_Curious at this sudden change in behaviour Tyler looked up._

_Gently Ty touched Josh's hand and asked,"What's up man? Everything okay?"_

_"Tyler  I...", Josh looked down at his lap, avoiding Tyler's gaze._

_Slightly worried, Tyler looked over him. Whenever Josh felt down, he too felt down._

_He'd always loved him, but he knew his bestfriend and now biggest crush was straight, so he didn't want to ruin their friendship or make things awkward between them by trying to make a move._

_"Josh if something is bothering you, please tell me. I'm sure I can help."_

_"Tyler, I ...uh... I don't know how to say this. Over the last few months, something... has changed between us." He was still not meeting Tyler's eyes._

_Oh no! Had he realised that I was in love with him! Will he abandon me now? Oh Tyler you moron!_

_"How so?" , Tyler asked, anxious about was happening._

_"I think... I'm in love with you." Came the scared reply._

_"Wait what?!" Tyler was sure he hadn't heard him right._

_"I'm sorry. But please...our friendship means too much to me. I just wanted to say this to you... I promise I won't let it ruin our relationship.... I mean our friendship." He stuttered, apparently afraid as to how Tyler would react._

_Tyler's heart fluttered. If this wasn't Providence then he didn't know what was!_

_"I love you too. I always have.", Tyler smiled at his jishwa._

_Josh had leaned back, eyes closed and a wince on his face, as if expecting a sharp retort or a punch or something._

_To Tyler's statement, he did react as if he'd just been punched._

_A look of pure disbelief on his face._

>"Really! You lov-"

_Tyler had leaned forward and pressed his lips against Josh for a warm kiss._

_Josh was taken by complete surprise, but soon melted against his love's lips._

This was the day Tyler had felt complete and whole.

A teen girl walked up to him. He looked up, uncomfortable but tried to go for a smile.

"Tyler, I miss your music.", The girl spoke with hesitation. "I loved Josh and you being together. You both were perfect.", Tyler and the little girl both had tears.

"Please stay alive.", The girl said, almost as if she could guess what thoughts were on his mind.

He smiled. But inside he was broken.

As soon as he was done eating, he left for the nearby park. Josh had taken him there several times. 

He walked through the freshly mown grass, behind the shady trees.

He found the hidden park bench there. Invisible to the naked view. They'd stumbled across it by mistake when they had to relieve themselves in public.

He sat there. He could almost feel Josh's scent mixed with the spicy smell of the shrubbery.

He glanced at his scarred hands. He noticed the simple platinum band on his ring finger. A single tear slid down his cheek.

_It had been a fun day, they'd played in the park, walking around, then running a bit trying to catch each other. Tyler was giddy and out of breath._

_Josh pulled him along to the park bench._

_"What is it Joshie?" Tyler asked, curiosity plainly showing on his face._

_Josh walked up to him._

_He went down on one knee._

_"Oh my God!", Tyler was never more pleasantly surprised._

_The handsome pink haired man reached into his pocket, and removed a shiny ring._

_He was blushing profusely._

_"Uhm-uhm Tyler..." he started awkwardly._

_"Yes go on!", Tyler's eyes were watering from joy._

_"W-will you ma-marry me? I love you more than I love myself. You are my sum, my moon and my stars. Will y-you spend your l-life with m-me?", He stammered._

_Tyler's heart erupted with joy._

_"Yes!", He grinned holding out his hand._

_Josh smiled with obvious relief, as he slipped the ring onto Tyler's finger._

_"Yes! I would! I love you too!", he pulled the pink haired into a bear hug. He was crying into Josh's neck._

_"Tyler, I promise I'll hold onto you._

_I won't let you go._

_Not ever!", Josh was crying too._

_Josh cupped his hands around his face. And their lips united in a warm kiss. The feeling of Josh's handsome face right in front of him. Josh's taste in his mouth, Tyler was in heaven. They went at it until they could no longer continue for want of breath._

Tyler's heart ached from want of love. 

_I was supposed to be Tyler Joshua Joseph-Dun._

_But now..._

The pain erupted from his chest, shredding his soul. He wanted death more than any other thing. He wanted to be freed. From this cursed existence. From this heartless malevolent world. But most of all he wanted to be freed from himself.

He shrieked, and rose, the heartbreak becoming intolerable. He ran towards his house. Crying all the way. 

What the people around him thought no longer mattered to him, he was already dead within. His breathing was only a formality now. 

There was nobody left to catch his breath.

As soon as he entered his home, he locked himself in his room, and wept in the corner beside his bed.

_The ghost of you, is close to me, I'm inside out, you're underneath._

Tyler looked up at the newcomer.

Blurryface smiled down from his perch on the window sill. Not even the faintest hint of mirth showed in his cold calculating eyes.

He was dressed in a floral print kimono. A white tee shirt underneath, worn over ripped black jeans. Today he was dressed in the life Tyler had lost. As the life he was soon to end.

"What should I do?" Tyler asked, a maniacal grin spreading across his face.

_We are goners. Blurryface smirked. He was taking over. Finally._

"You are the ghost.", Tyler knew what was coming, and he didn't mind.

_Yes. His lips curled in a wicked smile._

_I am close to you. You are inside out. I have been waiting underneath. His blood red eyes shone like twin lasers, as if to rend Tyler's heart out of his body._

_We are goners. Nobody will catch our breath._

"What should we do?", Tyler asked, his eyes lopsided, an unstable smirk curving across his lips.

_Death. Josh waits for us. We want death. He smiled. Blurryface stood and hobbled closer, bending over Tyler's face. Looking straight into his eyes._

A singular tear slipped down Tyler's cheek.

_We are goners. Blurryface insisted as he held out their usual knife._

"Don't let me be gone."Tyler said as he accepted it.

He stepped into the bathroom.

Blurryface followed him in. A massive grin, chiseled across his dead eyes.

Tyler set the bath tub faucet to full blast. 

He sat in the freezing cold water fully clothed.

_Nobody will catch my breath. Now Blurryface spoke as Tyler. Tyler had lost._

He raised the knife and licked it's keen edge, drawing blood from his tongue, savoring in the sharp metallic taste of his blood.

_You are a goner. Blurryface laughed through Tyler's mouth. The knife rose again. His other wrist rose now._

A single slash. The radial artery was severed immediately.

Blurryface faded away. He'd been put to rest. He'd become Tyler's death.

Head buzzing, Tyler held on to the final moments of consciousness.

_You promised me Josh. You promised you'd hold on. You promised you won't let me gone._

He wept. He stared into the cold, bloodied water. His final bath. 

He reached into the cabinet next to the tub. It had a notebook and pen there. It was an old habit of his to keep writing materials in the bathroom, in case he was struck with inspiration while showering.

_This will be my swansong. I am the swan, dying in this pool of blood._

With great pain, he scribbled a few words of farewell to whoever might read it.

Then he etched unto the paper the words which flowed through his dying mind.

_Tiger growl teeth and a handsome smile,  
Why oh Josh didn't you stay a longer while._

_Broken and battered now your body might be,  
How will I stay alive, with you gone, I can't really see._

_As I saw your blue sky hands fall motionless,  
I lost my all battles, against my darkness._

_These gardens were beautiful, fresh blossoms everywhere,  
With you now gone, there isn't a single petal left to spare._

_My world was held in your mocha brown eyes,  
"Why'd you leave?" I weep with heart rending sighs._

_The world was once blue and red, with a black bridge across,  
Now it's all just a black funeral, rancid with decaying moss._

_With you by my side, I dreamt of outer space,  
Now utterly grounded, I've given into Blurryface._

_Josh, as I recall your final hello,  
I cry, how much I love you, my dear fellow._

Without your warm comforting chest resting against mine,  
I'm shivering with grief, l know I'll never be truly fine.

_Always bouncing on your drummer's stool,  
You watched me sing, wide-eyed like a fool._

_I never told you, for you it was that I used to sing,  
Regret forever, you've abandoned me, now I can't speak a thing._

_As this foul night swallows me again,  
On the other side, I promise we'll meet then._

_With your loss, I'm tormented, I'm in Hell.  
I'm a hermit crab, whose lost his only shell._

_An eternal bond had us linked,  
Our names, on each other we had inked._

_Now without a hint of fear, I drown my breath,  
I will embrace you again, so what if only in death._

His hand were stiff and numb. The pen and notebook were drenched with his blood. They fell down onto the marbled floor.

He carefully fondled his thigh. The spot where Josh had tattooed his name on his body that night. It was their eternal link.

_Josh, I'm coming to you now. Finally._

_Don't let me be gone. He smiled gently._

His vision dimmed. He eased himself into the bloodied water and closed his eyes. Darkness embraced him.

~~~~~~~~~~~

He was paralyzed in the utter blindness. The stillness was both suffocating and calming. He knew what was coming. He couldn't wait.

Sure enough, he saw the pinprick of light again. It moved closer to him, his heart started pumping harder. The brightness widened. 

At last it enveloped him again.

He was sitting in a car traversing a winding mountainside road. Holding the hand of a very handsome pink haired driver.

They looked at each other and smiled deeply.

"I missed you." Was all he managed.

"I missed you too.", Josh stopped the car and pulled him into a deep hug.

"We're forever together now." Tyler finally smiled.

They held each other for what seemed like hours. Tyler felt healed. Everything that had gone wrong seemed trivial now. He had hope again.

"Nope. Not now Tyler. We don't have much time. This vision is all I could manage before you start to wake up."

Tyler's heart stopped.

"What do you mean?", fear clawed in his abdomen.

"You're still alive. Someone found you and took you to a hospital."

Then it started.

The edges of his vision, blurred and dissipated into mist.

"No Josh! Don't leave me again. You promised you'd not let go of me!"

Josh smiled sadly, as his arms turned into vapour. The car was already gone.

"I promise I'll hold on. I won't let go. I'll return I promise." His face faded away.

"What God is up there! What God can be this cruel?", Tyler yelled into the fog, tears returning to wet his cheeks.

It went bright this time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tyler awoke, a bright light shining in his face.

He groggily sat up and noticed the hospital gown he was wearing.

His cut hand was bandaged.

There was a small cabinet next to the bed. He noticed chocolates and several get well soon cards.

He turned to his side, to see him. Josh.

Sitting on a chair. Patiently waiting to be noticed.

"Josh! You didn't die?! This all was a hallucination? I've been sick haven't I?"

He just smiled.

"Tyler I'm always here. With you. Within you."

"You are another figment of my imagination! Aren't you?"

Immediately Tyler's eyes teared up again.

He didn't deny it.

"I promised I'd hold on." He smiled.

"You need to live. Live for both of us. Live the life we would have spent together. For the sake of my memory."

Just then the door opened and a portly nurse walked in.

"Oh so you are awake!", She looked relieved.

"You were almost a goner... you were in the verge of death to back then. How are you feeling?"

"Confused that I'm not dead.", He replied honestly.

_And sad that my fiancée is still dead.  Tears welled again, but he shook them away. He felt reborn now. Stronger than before._

"Well I would feel the same son.", The older lady smiled with a twinkle in her kindly eyes.

He smiled back. 

"You were in a coma for almost a weak. They thought it was too late. But then your vital signs returned a day ago."

"How did I get here?"

"A man called from your home, saying that you'd tried to commit suicide. That gentleman saved your life, bless him. He disappeared soon after your family got informed."

What? He glanced at the chair. It was empty.

"He was right here!" Tyler grinned.

"He was sitting in that chair!", He broke into fits of giggles.

The nurse looked taken aback.

"You should rest now, son. You are still weak. You must be delirious." She said taking his temperature.

She helped him to lay down on the bed again.

Making sure he was comfortable, she left.

Tyler was starting to understand what had happened.

Josh was still dead. But he had replaced Blurryface.

He had become his new coping mechanism.

Tyler had hope again.

Josh had promised he would return. Tyler had to believe in him.

His life had hit rock bottom now. This would be the solid foundation on which he would rebuild his life brick by brick.

~~~~~ A year later~~~~~~

The atmosphere was electric. Excitement weighed down with a pressure of its own. The sky was clear, as if it too were holding its breath, awaiting the spectacle about to ensue, like the countless fans wh had gathered at the stadium.

The revival tour of the Twenty One Pilots.

The June 16th show was sold out. Tyler anxiously waited backstage.

His friends, Chris and Nick seemed nervous too.

After Tyler got discharged, he'd made up his mind to revive the band. Josh was irreplaceable, but he had to move on. Josh would've wanted him to move on.

It hurt yes, but life had to carry on. He'd been given another chance, and he'd grabbed it.

Chris was the new drummer and Nick the bassist.

Josh would always remain in his heart and music.

The stage was ready.

His piano and mic setup. A drum kit for Chris and the bass for Nick.

The only thing out of the ordinary was the second set of drums next to the piano.

The announcer called out Chris and Nick's name amid much hullabaloo from the excited crowds.

"And lastly welcome the lead singer of the Twenty One Pilots Tyler Joseph-Dun!!"

Tyler walked, nervous but charged with adrenaline.

He took his place in front of the mic.

"Friends the last couple years have been rough on us. We lost Josh. I lost my lover. I honestly wanted to die. I tried killing myself, but God gave me another chance.

Today on this birth anniversary of our Josh, as the Twenty one pilots, all of us here at this stadium are reborn. I know Josh is watching over us. We have to show him how strong we are.

We all have our monsters, our Blurryfaces who want us dead. But we can fight back. We will fight back and we have fought back! Together all of us are here tonight. Brave and steadfast despite our wounds.

Josh wants us to stay alive. To live for him the life he missed out. So we won't disappoint him!

So give it up for all of us here! "

The crowd went insane, earth shattering applause, ear splitting shouts and screams.

Tyler smiled. Every demon from the deepest pits of Hell would run for his life today. 

He sat at the piano, a little anxious.

Josh, where are you. You promised.

He started playing the keys, he was playing Goner, the song which was born from Josh's death. Today it would be his rebirth.

Sure enough, he noticed the singular figure,pink haired as ever. He rose from the front row of the fans, shirtless with white shorts over thigh high stockings.

He smiled the red makeup bringing out the colour of his cocoa eyes.

He kissed Tyler on the forehead as the first verse began, and sat down at the drums.

"Don't let me be gone", sang Tyler looking deep into his eyes.

"You know I won't", came the soft reply. Only he heard it though.

A few people in the crowd cried as Tyler sang to the empty drum set by the piano.

**Author's Note:**

> So friends, that's it for this one shot... I wanted an ending which could be perceived as happy yet sad... In the original draft, Tyler does die and they meet in the afterlife. But then I felt that that ending was way to unsatisfactory...
> 
> Anyways, please let me know in the comments what you guys think of it! :D
> 
> P.S. I'm working on another joshler fanfic which is a complete multiple chapter story. It's titled "F.R.I.E.N.D.S: Twø Hearts, One Søul" . In case you guys loved this story, and wanna try out more of my stuff, please do give it a try! :)
> 
> Have a lovely day!


End file.
